A Letter to My Younger Self

The following is a letter I wrote to my younger self when I reached my One Year Sober Anniversary. Today I celebrate 3 Years Sober and I still read this letter from time to time as a reminder of how far I have come.

Hi My Love,

I know you’re having fun but I want you to know that there is more to life than partying. I know that deep down inside you’re hurting and I know that you’re just trying to cope. I know that it’s all fun and games until the party is over. I know you feel like this is a phase you will grow out of whenever you settle down. I know you think that you will lose all of your friends if you stop drinking. I know you are doing your best to hide how depressed you truly are. I know you’ve had suicidal thoughts and wanted to give up. You’ve spent hours crying and you’re searching for that magical something or someone that will turn everything around.

I want you to know that you will not find your answers at the bottom of that bottle of tequila and you most definitely will not find happiness from that bag of blow.

I’m writing you to tell you that I promise it gets better. If you could only see yourself now. You’re waking up today on October 24th, 2021 One Year Sober (and now on October 24th,2023 Three Years Sober). You had the strength to change it all. You made it through the darkest moments of your life and you created this whole new world around you. You are more powerful than you think.

You started a new career that younger you would have never dreamed of applying for. You made it through a global pandemic. You survived a year full of holiday dinners, long weekends, and your 35th birthday (and now successfully have made it through your 36th and 37th birthdays). You created your very first website and block all on your own. You went back to the city where you experienced some of your darkest days and you saw the city in a new light. You went on dates and you figured out what it is that you truly wanted and deserved before jumping into bed with them (and are stillll continuing to go on dates until you find Mr.Right) . You experienced heartbreak that triggered so many emotions that you wanted to numb yourself but instead you felt them until they ran their course and you came out on the other side.

You did all of these things WITHOUT drugs and alcohol. You cut out the one major thing that was holding you back from your true potential and now you’re unstoppable.

You created boundaries and you stick to them no matter who it upsets. You’ve stopped caring what everyone else thinks about you and you stopped putting everyone’s needs in front of your own. You still struggle some days but you figured out what you need to do in order to bring yourself out of whatever negative headspace you’re in. You have this energy and glow about you that lights up any room. You have fallen back in love with yourself and it shows. I can’t wait to see what we accomplish in the future so keep going because you’re doing amazing love.